A few weeks ago I began going to our local YMCA.   I’m focusing on “getting strong” and this is one area that I am excited to tackle.  Well, that was until I actually “went” to tackle it.    Taking the first steps towards change are always the hardest but with a little “perspective,” an awkward moment can hopefully transition into an empowering one.

Alas, my awkward moment ……

It had been over a year since I last walked through these intimidating doors.

Today I am facing them again.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually (well mostly) enjoy coming here, but it always seems that some “excuse” arises from the deep and I don’t go.

So, today I’m pushing back.

Too much work at the office?   Not enough time?  Maybe I should just go next week.

“Next” week is here and so here I am.

I’m excited.  I’ve got my bright blue sneakers on and I am ready to go for it.

Well, that is until I catch my reflection.     

(Wow.  Didn’t see that one coming.)

A woman is simultaneously walking through the next set of doors just a few steps in front of me.

My enthusiasm is busted and so is my motivation.

Seriously, I’m the same size as her?

As I had watched her approach the doors just a few seconds ago, I had given her a hearty  “bravo” and secretly applauded her for her determination to “show up” despite her non-athletic appearance.

“Good for her!”  I thought, not knowing that in just moments  I would be judged by my own standards .

In I plow, sarcastically saying “bravo” under my breath for my efforts.

I check in with a deflated smirk and after 30 minutes of “squats,” and other such things,  I decide to start walking on the outside track.

The idea of her image aligning with mine kept resurfacing as I walked.

Why is this so bothersome?

Realizing that this is the image you all see was humbling to me.

As I walk, my thoughts start churning and as always I start trying to draw a lesson out of this.

I think of God.

If Jesus were standing directly in front of me, would “who I am” align within the image of “who He is?”

Seeing my reflection in the boundaries of this woman left me embarrassed of myself.

But what if I could see my reflection in the picture of Christ, how would this make me feel?

Getting stronger can be difficult.

It stretches us.

Today, I looked in the “mirror” physically and spiritually.

1 Corinthians 13:12  “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

It was a hard moment, but as with any change, in order to become who we want to be, we have to acknowledge and realize who we are.

Knowing I am fully known, fully loved is a great start.

 

 

“Getting strong.”   Just the words seem “positive.”

As I read them again, they seem to indicate weakness is present.  Maybe it is?

I’ve been thinking about my life lately.  What I’ve done.  Who I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I am pleased with who I’ve become and who I am, but I often wonder if it’s enough.

Am I enough?

Have I settled in areas of my life because I can?

So, after months of contemplating this, and prayer, though maybe not enough, (we’ll see), I’m putting myself out there in true fashion.

Vulnerable.  Transparent.   Well, at least at this first writing (snickering under breath.)

Getting strong.   Physically.  Emotionally.  Spiritually.

Each area has it’s strength, it’s weakness.  My goal is not to be super woman, just better.

I may fail.  Deep down I guess I think I probably will.  But I still need to try to prove to myself “I can.”

I understand if this is the place where you want to “unsubscribe” from my blog.  I might if I were you.

But this is for me.  This is to take off the mask of “perfection.”  Though I doubt this has ever been a word used in alignment with my name.

Flaws are good.  They make the rest of us feel normal.  So today, the mask is off, or at the very least untied.

Maybe you are at that same place in your life?  You want more.

More of life, more of God, more of yourself.

Just more.

Today, I’m getting strong.